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Post by President Hudson on Jun 13, 2006 1:47:12 GMT -5
BomberJake vs. Tuffy vs. "Showtime" T-Neff vs. Deamon Cohln
5 RP Max
Deadline is Sunday, June 18th, at 3 pm EST.
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Post by Deamon Cohln on Jun 13, 2006 3:31:53 GMT -5
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Post by BomberJake on Jun 13, 2006 23:49:36 GMT -5
Backstage. It's quiet. Around this time, you'd expect the sound of tires squealing and BomberJake on a sugar high, but no, not this time. The camera pans over to the left slowly to see Jakes golfcart! Parked! With… a ladder poking out of it?
[ BomberJake | "Hmmmm… a bit cliché. Let's try something else." ]
The scene cuts to a promo for the fatal four way ladder match at One Ring for the OTB World Heavyweight Title.
BomberJake VS Deamon Cohln VS "Showtime" T-Neff VS Tuffy
LIVE! @ OTB One Ring!
The advertisement fades to black before fading in to a foresty area. It's dark at night and BomberJake is filming with a handycam--the nightvision is on and Tina Latina is walking in front of Jake.
[ Tina Latina | "Jake, why'd you bring me out here? This isn't an ideal place to be this late." ]
[ BomberJake | "Yes, but I need to be original with my promos. That's why we're out here in this forest. You see, people will expect me to climb up ladders at the arena and jump off of them, but they're gonna see that at One Ring anyways. So, instead of climbing ladders, I'm gonna climb--" ]
[ Tina Latina | "--trees?" ]
[ BomberJake | "Precisely!" ]
Jake hands the handycam to Tina and she keeps filming as BomberJake gets his footing on a tree.
[ Tina Latina | "This probably isn't a good idea--who knows how old these trees are?" ]
[ BomberJake | "But I could just as easily fall off a ladder--I've gotta prepare myself for that kind of spill." ]
[ Tina Latina | "Well… be careful." ]
Tina looks on in worry as Jake climbs and climbs--he reaches a good twenty feet up before turning his head to look at Tina.
[ BomberJake | "How's the base of it holdin' up?" ]
[ Tina Latina | "Got wood?" ]
[ BomberJake | "What?" ]
[ Tina Latina | "Looks good!" ]
[ BomberJake | "Thanks!" ]
Jake takes another step up the tree, but the branch he steps on breaks! Jake holds on, but the tree wobbles and a loud crack is heard.
[ Tina Latina | "Jake, you should--" ]
[ BomberJake | "TIMBER!!!" ]
[ Tina Latina | "Jake, this isn't a lumberjack match!" ]
Holding on for dear life, BomberJake rides the tree into the ground, but when Tina arrives to help, Jake looks unconscious.
[ Tina Latina | "Jake! Oh my God! Jake, are you okay?!" ]
In true Blair Witch Project style, the handycam catches it all with nightvision. Jake then opens his eyes, apparently playing possum the whole time. He's injury-free and Tina looks worried sick, but Jake has a big grin on his face.
[ BomberJake | "I bet lightning can strike twice!" ]
[ Tina Latina | "No! No lightning! Let's get outta here!" ]
[ BomberJake | "Aw… you ruined my fun." ]
[ Tina Latina | "Yes, well, you can have all the fun you want this Sunday at One Ring. You've got some fierce competition." ]
Seeing as BomberJakes golfcart is nowhere near that tree, what better way to pass the time than to talk about Jakes upcoming match.
[ BomberJake | "Well, there's Deamon Cohln. He'd've been a frustrated computer serviceman if he hadn't gotten into wrestling. Had he not attacked 'Showtime' T-Neff, he probably wouldn't be in this match right now, but he and T-Neff managed to squeeze their ways in." ]
[ Tina Latina | "Do you think they'll carry that teamwork to the fatal four way?" ]
[ BomberJake | "It's every man for himself in this match. There may be some double teaming, but not enough for one cohesive unit." ]
[ Tina Latina | "But they could easily carry that momentum into this match, don't you think?" ]
[ BomberJake | "But is it enough to get either of them the win at One Ring? I've been on a roll since my debut in the OTB, and I'm showing no signs of stopping." ]
[ Tina Latina | "They won last week--" ]
[ BomberJake | "--and so did I." ]
There's a sort of awkward pause between Jakes speech.
[ BomberJake | "T-Neff was lucky to get a second chance. Granted, his win wasn't luck and I'm sure he and Deamon will tear each other to bits at One Ring, but who wants it the most?" ]
Tina stops in her tracks to think.
[ Tina Latina | "Well, Tuffy is the first ever UCW World Champion and WWA World Champion." ]
[ BomberJake | "But is he a one and only champion? Like my time in the XCW with the Hardcore Title?" ]
[ Tina Latina | "This isn't about your past, Jake." ]
[ BomberJake | "Hey, you're the one who brought up Tuffys past." ]
Once again, conversation falls awkwardly silent.
[ BomberJake | "Look. It's obvious that Tuffy has an accomplished history, but this is a time for firsts. I won my first match in the OTB, became the first qualifier for this fatal four way ladder match, and will be the first to leave the ring 'cause I'll be the first ever OTB World Heavyweight Champion." ]
[ Tina Latina | "You're right--this isn't about the firsts from the pasts. But you've still got ties to the WWA." ]
[ BomberJake | "I may be runnin' around back n' forth between the WWA and the OTB, but I intend to work both this week. I intend to remain WWA Canadian Champion and obtain the OTB World Heavyweight Title." ]
[ Tina Latina | "You've got some big goals set out for yourself." ]
[ BomberJake | "You need big goals for the big prize--big stuff's on the line and I'd do anything to see myself with the OTB World Heavyweight Title belt around my waist." ]
Just through a few more bushes and trees is BomberJakes golfcart, which can be seen on the handycam.
[ Tina Latina | "Oh, thank God!" ]
Tina rushes over to the golfcart and BomberJake lingers behind her.
[ Tina Latina | "Hurry! I wanna get back to civilization!" ]
[ BomberJake | "Are you implying that leaping off of twenty-foot tall ladders onto other human beings to immobilize them in an effort to obtain a title belt is civilized?" ]
[ Tina Latina | "In retrospect, no. Compared to this, yes." ]
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Post by Deamon Cohln on Jun 14, 2006 12:53:58 GMT -5
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Post by BomberJake on Jun 15, 2006 22:23:50 GMT -5
[ Tina Latina | "Hairspray addict?!" ]
[ BomberJake | "Comedy spot guy?!" ]
Both BomberJake and Tina Latina are outraged by Deamon Cohln's promos. Tina looks furious as the two pace back and forth in Jakes locker room.
[ Tina Latina | "How dare he say stuff like that about us!" ]
[ BomberJake | "Comedy spot guy?!" ]
[ Tina Latina | "He acts like he's better than us!" ]
[ BomberJake | "Comedy spot guy?!" ]
[ Tina Latina | "What makes Deamon think he can run his mouth like that?!" ]
[ BomberJake | "COMEDY SPOT GUY?! Like I haven't heard THAT before!" ]
The two of them look visibly upset and BomberJake comedically overreacts by running face-first into a locker. The locker door swings open as Jake falls backwards, toppling over a garbage can. Jake takes several deep breaths to regain his calmness.
[ BomberJake | "We shouldn't let Deamon's words get to us--we'll just bottle it up inside and give him what for at One Ring!" ]
[ Tina Latina | "I can see how frustrated you get with these guys. They don't see your true value or show you proper respect." ]
[ BomberJake | "He's SEVERELY underestimating me going into this title match--good things come in small packages. I know a small package won't get the win this Sunday, but it'll be great to see his face when he gets caught off-guard! And I have every reason to be in this match--I was the FIRST person to qualify for it! HE'S steppin' on MY turf!" ]
[ Tina Latina | "You said it!" ]
Jake takes a few more deep breaths, still draped over the garbage can.
[ BomberJake | "Hey, where're the other guys?" ]
[ Tina Latina | "…they, uh… they haven't shown up yet." ]
[ BomberJake | "Haven't SHOWN UP?!" ]
Similar to HBK, Jake springs to his feet and looks at Tina.
[ BomberJake | "It can't be just me n' Deamon! Not after those two fought to get in this match at Vendetta!" ]
[ Tina Latina | "Well, there's no sign of 'em yet. I don't understand it either." ]
[ BomberJake | "What's taking them? They can't win the OTB World Heavyweight Title if they don't promo! And the fans were promised a fatal four way, not a singles competition!" ]
Jake takes a seat on the bench and Tina sits down next to him with her hands clasped together.
[ Tina Latina | "I'm sure they'll show up, and if they don't, I know there'll be some big consequences." ]
[ BomberJake | "I just don't see how they vanish like this--neither of them got severely injured on Monday. Maybe T-Neff thinks he's in too deep." ]
[ Tina Latina | "You've beaten him once before. But as for your fellow Canadian, Tuffy--" ]
[ BomberJake | "Ah, but he's east coast n' I'm westside! I've gotten sick of them damn easterners complainin' about cold weather while they sit next to the fireplace of their luxury suites, wearing their 100% fur coats!" ]
[ Tina Latina | "Ew! Fur is murder!" ]
[ BomberJake | "And meanwhile, I was busing it through downtown Vancouver in my West 49 sweatshirt, in the pouring rain, 'cause it rains all the time in Vancouver--that's why I love the warm weather of Cali!" ]
[ Tina Latina | "But you still visit the V-dot, right?" ]
[ BomberJake | "Oh, yeah! I can handle a little rain! I mean, my memories of BwFv2 and XCW live in Vancouver! Old School Jake lives in Vancouver!" ]
[ Tina Latina | * laughs * "But can you kick it old school?" ]
[ BomberJake | "Watch n' learn, missy!" ]
Just as Jake's about to bust a move and breakdance, he asks:
[ BomberJake | "What does this have to do with my match?" ]
[ Tina Latina | "Nothing--I just wanted to see another wrestler aside from Booker T and Christian do the Spinaroonie." * laughs * ]
[ BomberJake | "But shouldn't I be more focused on my match?" ]
[ Tina Latina | "Yes, you should, and it's a good thing you reached that conclusion without me having to tell you--you're learning, Jake!" ]
[ BomberJake | "Pfft. School is for chumps! All I need to know is if these two are gonna show up--otherwise, I won't draw the curtain for T-Neff's showtime and Tuffy's 'First Ever World Champ' record streak will be broken." ]
Tina gives Jake a "you're forgetting something" look.
[ Tina Latina | * cough cough * ]
[ BomberJake | "Not that it wouldn't be broken if Tuffy did show up, 'cause I'm gonna take it to him at One Ring! I'll take it to all of 'em! Every last one of 'em! I'm gonna take it to you! And you! And YOU!" ]
BomberJake points at the camera and dives towards the cameraman, who falls over backwards. Jake pummels him with lefts and rights as the cameraman attempts to use the camera as a shield.
[ Tina Latina | "Jake, stop!" ]
As Tina tries to pry BomberJake off of the cameraman, the scene fades to black and a new camera catches the action. The cameraman is now up, but not without a few bruises.
[ BomberJake | "Sorry 'bout that, man. I dunno what happened back there." ]
The cameraman accepts Jakes apology, but leaves in fear of another mishap. The other cameraman sticks around and keeps filming.
[ Tina Latina | "Just remember to keep that aggression inside for Deamon, T-Neff, and Tuffy." ]
[ BomberJake | "I'm not sure what came over me… I could've sworn that cameraman was one of them." ]
[ Tina Latina | "One of who?" ]
[ BomberJake | "One of my opponents!" ]
[ Tina Latina | "Jake, he's not Alex Shelley. You've been watching too much iMPACT!, haven't you?" ]
[ BomberJake | "How can you have too much of that? It's only an hour long--not like the multi-brand WWE programming that could keep you glued to your TV set for weeks on end." ]
Tina rolls her eyes, having enough of this nonsense.
[ Tina Latina | "If you expect to beat the three stooges, you'll have to REALLY focus on your match!" ]
[ BomberJake | "Larry, Moe, and Curly? Since when am I facing them?" ]
Tina puts an open palm to her forehead.
[ Tina Latina | "Okay, there's a HUGE playing field--you have the twenty foot by twenty foot ring and a good five feet around the edges, not to mention height. The three foot apron plus a twenty foot ladder equals twenty-three feet to fall from. Twenty-three times thirty times thirty is twenty-thousand-seven-hundred feet cubed!" ]
Jake blinks several times before shaking old cobwebs out of his head.
[ BomberJake | "…look, I don't need some mathematical mumbo jumbo to calculate volume and surface area, or some physics equation to determine how hard a fall off a twenty foot ladder would feel. Neither of those classes can be applied here! I need proper sustenance! Nutrients! Biology is where it's at!" ]
[ Tina Latina | "Alright, you wanna talk nutrition? What's a calorie?" ]
[ BomberJake | "A calorie is a unit of energy that raises the temperature of water by one degree centigrade." ]
[ Tina Latina | "Smart boy. Let's go out n' get some good food in your system." ]
[ BomberJake | "Score!" ]
Tina grabs her coat and BomberJake grabs his keys as they leave the locker room for a restaurant.
TO BE CONTINUED…
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Post by BomberJake on Jun 16, 2006 22:53:08 GMT -5
The sun is starting to set over a lazy orange sky. Drivers are trying to get home to late dinners and late night porn on basic cable, but not Jake. BomberJake is driving his golfcart with Tina Latina in the passengers side to a restaurant. Jake tunes the radio as he drives.
[ BomberJake | "Drabble… drabble… crappy music… geez, how much do I have to adjust my radio to find something worth listening to?" ]
Tina sits back, amused, as Jake turns the knobs--he finally stops at what is soon found out to be OTB FM.
[ OTB FM DJ | "We are building up to OTB Wrestlings FIRST Pay-Per-View, to crown the first EVER OTB World Heavyweight Champion! It's a fatal four way match, but so far, we've only seen Deamon Cohln and BomberJake around. There's been no sign of Tuffy or 'Showtime' T-Neff." ]
[ BomberJake | "Okay! That's it! I've had it! If T-Neff and Tuffy aren't promoing, then what use is it to have 'em in this match?!" ]
[ Tina Latina | "I'm not sure about T-Neff, but it's been a while since Tuffy's been a first ever champion. I don't think he has that kinda desire anymore." ]
[ BomberJake | "But what do I have to do to get their asses into that ring?!" ]
[ Tina Latina | "I'm not sure there's anything you can do--if they don't want to show up, they don't have to." ]
[ BomberJake | * sigh * "I hope they know GM Brian Daniels won't be too happy about that…" ]
Jake reaches for the knob and changes the station. Jake comes across 99.3 The Fox.
[ Todd Hancock | "You wanna talk about legs? Two words: Stacy Keibler!" ]
[ BomberJake | "He sure loves his legs." ]
[ Tina Latina | "You mean her legs." ]
[ BomberJake | "Same difference!" ]
Jake changes the station again and comes across the Weekly Top 40. Jake listens for several seconds before shutting off the radio.
[ BomberJake | "Ryan Seacrest could never replace Rick Dees!" ]
The golfcart finally pulls into the parking lot of the fancy restaurant Tina Latina had mentioned. Jake parks between a BMW Z8 and a Porsche 911.
[ BomberJake | "C'mon, Tina, let's go get a steak." ]
[ Tina Latina | "You can get a steak here, Daddy-o. Don't be a--" ]
Tina makes the shape of a square with her fingers and steps out of the passengers side.
[ BomberJake | "After you, kitty cat." ]
As Jake steps out of his golfcart, he sees a Ferrari 360 Spider roll into the parking lot.
[ BomberJake | "Damn! That's my dream car!" ]
Tina looks at the car as well and notices an older woman driving it--the woman is quite obviously wearing too much make-up and looks like she's trying to be twenty.
[ Tina Latina | "Only if you're a bitch." ]
[ BomberJake | "Hey!" ]
[ Tina Latina | * giggles * ]
[ BomberJake | "You wouldn't get away with that in Malibu where everyone's youthful." ]
Tina and Jake walk to the front door of the restaurant as the driver of the BMW is leaving. He holds open the door for Tina and she thanks him--he doesn't notice Jake until after he takes a look at Tinas ass and turns face-to-face with Jake. BomberJake half-jokingly cocks his fist at the man as a warning, who flinches and gives Jake a dirty look. Just as Jake's about to enter the restaurant, he can't help but notice the signs blending together.
[ BomberJake | "'Open', 'Chicken Legs'. 'All You Can Eat', 'Out Of Order'. 'Unbeatable', 'Meats'." ]
Jake chuckles and walks to the front lobby of the restaurant; Tina is waiting to be seated.
[ Tina Latina | "It won't be too long--they said a waiter will be out shortly." ]
[ BomberJake | "Good, 'cause I'm starvin'!" ]
[ Tina Latina | "Starvin' to kick some ass at One Ring?" ]
[ BomberJake | "I'mstarvin'togetsomeassafterOneRing." ]
[ Tina Latina | "What?" ]
[ BomberJake | "Nothing… I still don't see why Deamon's the only other wrestler to appear--those other guys aren't gonna last very long this Sunday." ]
The waiter finally arrives.
[ Waiter | "Good evening--where would you two like to sit?" ]
[ Tina Latina | "The back lounge, please." ]
All of a sudden, BomberJake bursts out into uncontrollable laughter. The waiter worries that there's a piece of food on his face or something of the sort, but soon realizes that there's nothing wrong with his appearance. Despite all the humourous signs BomberJake read minutes ago, the term 'back lounge' is more funny to him.
[ BomberJake | "Haha, haha, oh, that's rich!" ]
Jake wipes a tear from his eye as the disgruntled waiter leads BomberJake and Tina to a table near the back of the restaurant. He hands them both menus and tells them about the day's specials, though with an odd lisp that adds s's to certain words.
[ Waiter | "Tonights special iss a rich pennes dish, covered ins creamy whites sauces." ]
[ BomberJake | "I'm sorry--did you say a rich penis dish? In a creamy white sauce?" ]
[ Waiter | "Pennes." ]
[ BomberJake | "What?" ]
[ Tina Latina | "He means penne. Y'know, the noodle." ]
[ BomberJake | "OH! PENNE! Um… regardless, I'd order something else--give me your largest steak and bloody as hell!" ]
[ Tina Latina | "Just start me off with a five dollar shake." ]
[ BomberJake | "Did you just order a five-dollar shake?" ]
[ Tina Latina | "Sure did." ]
[ BomberJake | "A shake? That's milk and ice cream?" ]
[ Tina Latina | "Last I heard." ]
[ BomberJake | "It costs five dollars?" ]
[ Waiter | "Yup." ]
[ BomberJake | "You don't put Bourbon in it or anything?" ]
[ Waiter | "Nope." ]
[ BomberJake | "Just checking." ]
The waiter smiles at Tina, but glares at BomberJake as he picks up the menus and leaves their table with their orders.
[ Tina Latina | "Don't worry about him--he's just not as radical as you." ]
[ BomberJake | "I'm not worried about anyone, not even the guys in my match." ]
[ Tina Latina | "But this is a big match--if being for the OTB World Heavyweight Title wasn't enough, you have three opponents, AND it's a LADDER MATCH." ]
[ BomberJake | "That's why they call it Only The Best Wrestling, and by holding the OTB World Heavyweight Title, I'll prove that I'm only the best." ]
[ Tina Latina | "You don't think Deamon's a--" ]
[ BomberJake | "Deamon's just been hangin' out with that drunkard n' talkin' about the streets of Detroit. It's like 8 Mile all over again!" ]
Tina laughs and the customers at the table next to them take the time to show that their meal is being interrupted. Tina and Jake don't notice and keep talking--a sped up version of their conversation is used to show time go by.
[ Tina Latina | "Hmmmm… The waiter usually doesn't take this long to show up." ]
[ BomberJake | "I know some other people that've taken a while to show up." * cough * "T-Neff." * cough * "Tuffy." * cough * ]
[ Tina Latina | * laughs * "Maybe you should check on him." ]
Reluctantly, BomberJake gets up from his seat and walks towards the kitchen area. The kitchen is blocked by a door reading "STAFF ONLY".
TO BE CONTINUED…
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Post by BomberJake on Jun 17, 2006 12:12:31 GMT -5
The 'STAFF ONLY' sign engulfs the camera until a hand pushes open the door. From the eyes of BomberJake, we take a look inside the kitchen of this fancy restaurant--flames nearly char the face of Jake as he steps inside, looking at all of the dishes. Frantic trainees run around the hot ovens, trying to keep track of orders. Jake looks left and right until he sees the waiter.
[ BomberJake | "Hey, what's the hold-up, pally?" ]
[ Waiter | "Hey, you're not allowed back here!" ]
[ BomberJake | "Oh, yeah? Says who?" ]
[ Waiter | "Says me, that's who!" ]
[ BomberJake | "You? The guy who's been back here for twenty minutes and still doesn't have my order ready? I feel I should be concerned--I'd much rather not want any creamy white sauce dish from you!" ]
The waiter goes red in the face, but BomberJake doesn't seem to notice--Jake blinks repeatedly, trying to force an image out of his head, but he can't. The waiters face turns into that of T-Neffs! BomberJake appears to be hallucinating!
[ T-Neff Waiter | "Now's my time for retribution! Why, I'll make you Fade To Black this time and end this Ratings Drop you've caused!" ]
Jake is quite obviously seeing things, but Jake doesn't know this--the next thing you know, the waiter is plastered on the ground from a spear and is yelling at Jake.
[ Waiter | "What the hell is wrong with you?!" ]
[ Chef | "Oi!" ]
BomberJake turns around to see the head chef with a frying pan in his hand.
[ Chef | "What're you doing to our waiter?!" ]
Jake tries to shake the images out of his head again, but can't! The chefs face soon looks like Deamon Cohln!
[ Chef Cohln | "This Sunday, watch out for me, because I'll hit you with the Deamon Doom--" ]
[ BomberJake | "DDT!" ]
Rather than pulling Deamon Cohlns signature move, BomberJake kicks the chef in the gut, causing him to drop the frying pan. Jake then plants him with a regular DDT on the frying pan! Jake gets up off the ground, looking rather proud of himself, but when he turns around, he becomes eye-to-eye with the restaurant manager.
[ Manager | "What is going on here? What have you done to my employees?" ]
You guessed it--the manager now looks like Tuffy!
[ Manager Tuffy | "I'll come out, decked out in my furry hat, n' I'll add another win to my 32-7-2 record. And don't mind me if I take your girl--she's at 36-24-36, if you get what I mean, dawg!" ]
BomberJake goes steaming mad and the sound of a tea kettle goes off as steam pours out of Jake's ears! Well, actually, there were two tea kettles behind Jakes head that were positioned right by his ears, but nonetheless, BomberJake kicks the manager in the gut and drops him to the ground with The BOOM! All of a sudden, the door swings open Tina Latina enters.
[ Tina Latina | "I heard such a ruckus from inside here and--oh my God!" ]
Jake looks over at Tina, and thankfully realizes that she isn't Deamon Cohln or 'Showtime' T-Neff or Tuffy.
[ BomberJake | "Oh, shit! Quick! Let's put on disquises so they can't kick us out!" ]
BomberJake picks a coat off of a coatrack and the toupée off of the managers head.
[ BomberJake | "You wear these!" ]
Jake hands Tina a hairnet and some rubber gloves.
[ Tina Latina | "What am I supposed to do with these?!" ]
[ BomberJake | "I dunno! Just… put 'em on and we'll sit down with our food." ]
Tina rolls her eyes as BomberJake grabs the milkshake and his steak. They sit back down at their table in their outrageous attires. BomberJake looks rather out of place in company of the posh and upper class, and they too notice it. They make it very obvious by turning their heads and staring at Jake as he eats his steak with his hands.
[ Tina Latina | "Jake, I really don't think we should be here--not after you laid out several members of the kitchen staff!" ]
[ BomberJake | "C'mon! Just five more minutes, I'll be done with this steak." ]
[ Tina Latina | "We've overstayed our welcome. People are looking at us!" ]
[ BomberJake | "I thought you liked that kind of attention." ]
[ Tina Latina | "But this is BAD publicity!" ]
[ BomberJake | "Fine." ]
Jake puts down his steak, pulls out his wallet, and lays two twenty dollar bills on the table. As swiftly and inconspicuously as possible ( though you couldn't miss them if you tried ), BomberJake and Tina sneak out the front door. Just as they leave, the waiter, the chef, and the manager all burst out of the kitchen!
[ Manager | "Who stole my toupée?!" ]
Back outside in the parking lot, BomberJake and Tina are already on the road, headed for the stadium. Jake is weaving in and out of traffic, trying his best to avoid anyone that would be chasing after him.
[ Tina Latina | "Slow down! You could get hurt at these kinda speeds, and that's the last thing you need before the World Heavyweight Title match!" ]
Jake lets off the accelerator and brakes to a slightly slower speed.
[ Tina Latina | "Well, let's talk finishers--you have The BOOM, but what about those other guys?" ]
[ BomberJake | "I've gotta watch out for top rope knee drops, flying spears, reverse DVDs, DDTs, and superkicks! These moves are meant to lay me out for a three count, but a pinfall won't win the match." ]
[ Tina Latina | "But they'll still do their finishers." ]
[ BomberJake | "Yeah, they'll still try to lay me out so they can get up that ladder to the belt, but only one guy can reach it, and if I'm the only guy laid out, there are two others to take out the one son of a bitch that's climbin' the ladder ahead of 'em! I love it!" ]
Jake has a good laugh, followed by a wide smile.
[ BomberJake | "Just think about it--T-Neff gives me a superkick and climbs the ladder for the gold, but then Tuffy pushes over the ladder and he collapses on the outside! Or Deamon flying spears me to the ground and climbs the ladder, but T-Neff pulls him off of it! OR Tuffy hits the Crossover and climbs the ladder, but Deamon Cohln hits him with the Deamon Doom DDT off the ladder!" ]
[ Tina Latina | "It could be some pretty brutal stuff!" ]
[ BomberJake | "That's because we all want to be the FIRST EVER OTB World Heavyweight Champion! Well… at least, Deamon and I do." ]
[ Tina Latina | "That reminds me, how's your WWA match coming along?" ]
[ BomberJake | "Eric Lee missed his chance--not once did he promo and I'll be the last EVER WWA Canadian Champion! Which is good, 'cause now I don't have to change the design of my golfcart!" ]
Yes, BomberJake is still driving a decked-out-to-be-Canadian golfcart.
[ BomberJake | "But that's only half of my history-making Sunday night! Only The Best Wrestling will see who is only the best--when I'm climbing up that ladder, reaching for the belt, hanging from the top, they'll know who. They'll know when the belt unlatches and I'm the one holding it. Not Deamon, not T-Neff, not Tuffy. Me." ]
Jake falls silent and looks rather serious, but Tina Latina is unsure.
[ Tina Latina | "Was that… was that the closer?" ]
[ BomberJake | "No, actually, I just thought it sounded good." ]
The golfcart finally pulls into the stadium and BomberJake parks it. As he gets out, he sees Tuffy, T-Neff, and Deamon Cohln!
[ BomberJake | "YOU!" ]
Jake points and charges at them, beating them all one by one! But this turns out to be another one of BomberJake's hallucinations--the three wrestlers turn out to be a mop, now broken in several pieces in Jake's hands.
[ Tina Latina | "Wow, you REALLY took it to that MOP!" * giggles * ]
[ BomberJake | "I hope the janitor doesn't need this…" ]
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Post by Deamon Cohln on Jun 17, 2006 13:55:59 GMT -5
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Post by Deamon Cohln on Jun 18, 2006 13:59:23 GMT -5
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Post by BomberJake on Jun 18, 2006 13:59:50 GMT -5
Back at the stadium, BomberJake and Tina sit in the golfcart, watching the crew members set up the ring for, well, One Ring. The titantron is already up and they mingle around the announce table.
[ Tina Latina | "Well, this is it! OTB Wrestlings FIRST EVER Pay-Per-View!" ]
[ BomberJake | "And OTB Wrestlings FIRST EVER World Heavyweight Champion!" ]
[ Tina Latina | "Don't get too ahead of yourself." ]
[ BomberJake | "Don't worry--those other guys are already thinkin' they're at the finish line, but the gunshot hasn't gone off yet. We're all on our marks, gettin' set, but when that bell rings, it's time to GO!" ]
Tina smiles and digs through her purse for something--after, oh, a good thirty seconds of digging, BomberJake gets bored and talks to a crew member. This crew member is sliding a ladder under the ring for the show.
[ BomberJake | "'scuse me, how much weight do these ladders hold?" ]
[ Crew Member | "That shouldn't be of much concern to you; you look like you're in good shape." ]
[ BomberJake | "Well, I am, thank you, but I assure you, it won't be just me on these ladders tonight." ]
[ Crew Member | "I'm sure of that, but these ladders are designed to withstand the greatest of pressure, despite the weight applied to them." ]
[ BomberJake | "How much weight?" ]
[ Crew Member | "I dunno." ]
[ BomberJake | "Guess." ]
[ Crew Member | "I still don't know." ]
[ BomberJake | "How 'bout now?" ]
[ Crew Member | "Look, kid--" ]
[ BomberJake | "I'm not a kid!" ]
[ Crew Member | "Okay--Mister…" ]
[ BomberJake | "Jake--BomberJake." ]
[ Crew Member | "Jake, this is one heavy-duty ladder and--" ]
[ BomberJake | * Peter Griffin laugh * "Duty." ]
[ Crew Member | "--and I know for a fact that no thousand pound man's gonna be climbing these ladders, and even with all four of you guys on one of these, it WON'T collapse. Kapeche?" ]
[ BomberJake | "Ka-what?" ]
[ Crew Member | "Never mind, I've got work to do." ]
The crew member goes back to setting up the rest of the ring just as Tina Latina finds what she was looking for in her purse.
[ Tina Latina | "Found it, Jake!" ]
[ BomberJake | "Found what?" ]
[ Tina Latina | "My virginity!" * giggles * "Just kidding!" ]
[ BomberJake | "I dunno if I like it that you're kidding." ]
[ Tina Latina | "Oh, stop! Here--this is a list of moves to watch out for from these guys." ]
BomberJake unfolds the paper and skims through the list.
[ BomberJake | "I don't need this…" ]
[ Tina Latina | "I beg your pardon?" ]
[ BomberJake | "Remember what I told you about gut instinct?" ]
[ Tina Latina | "Yes." ]
[ BomberJake | "That's what I'll be using tonight. Sure, I'll have my sixth sense ready and a whole arsenal of counters, but when I'm battered, bruised, and beaten up bad, all I can go on is that gut instinct. No other strategy could better prepare me than that gut instinct." ]
Jake hands the paper back to Tina Latina and she puts it back in her purse.
[ Tina Latina | "Well, I guess that's why you're the wrestler with all those titles." ]
[ BomberJake | "Sure am!" ]
Tina still looks a tad worried, possibly distracted. BomberJake changes the subject and tries to make her feel better.
[ BomberJake | "Hey, I haven't seen Deamon Cohlns last promo yet. Let's watch it now!" ]
[ Tina Latina | "Sounds like a plan!" ]
Tina takes a seat at the announce table, looking at the tiny broadcast moniters.
[ BomberJake | "What're you doing?" ]
[ Tina Latina | "Trying to find Deamon Cohlns last promo." ]
[ BomberJake | "Tina, this is drive-in movie night!" ]
Jake takes Tina by the hand and pulls her into his golfcart. He drives to the bottom of the entrance ramp and parks--Jake pulls a remote control out of his pocket and turns on the titantron as if it were a TV! BomberJake flips through a series of channels and stumbles across a Deamon Cohln promo.
[ Tina Latina | "Wow! I wonder if Vince McMahon does this." ]
[ BomberJake | "Shhhh! It's starting!" ]
[ Deamon Cohln | "Sorry. I've just been a bit frustrated at theses idiots in OTB. I mean, it's our shot to be the first World Champion and two of the boys haven't even shown up to make their presence known." ]
[ BomberJake | "Geez, this has almost become a singles competition." ]
[ Deamon Cohln | "Captain comedy spot himself, BomberJake." ]
[ BomberJake | "Still with the comedy insults--well, SORRY, if I have a SENSE OF HUMOUR! Geez… some people take things too seriously." ]
[ Deamon Cohln | "I saw him with his little Latina bimbo at that resturant." ]
[ Tina Latina | "Bimbo?! Oh, Jake, you'd better beat his ass so bad that he won't be able to shit for a week!" ]
[ BomberJake | "Can do! Better yet, he won't be able to DO SHIT for a week!" ]
[ Deamon Cohln | "I guess they have already watched Pulp Fiction. I guess they didn't want to watch it again." ]
[ BomberJake | "Whoa whoa whoa! Pulp Fiction is one hell of a movie! He shouldn't even be talking--I bet he was the gimp!" ]
[ Deamon Cohln | "But I'm harping on him too much. Let's harp on his wrestling skill. I mean, he has some wrestling skill, but he's got to be honest with himself, he has nothing compared to the 4-time World Champion that I am." ]
[ BomberJake | "He should know that I have plenty of skill--I may not be a four-time world champion, but that means I didn't lose the that title a good three or four times." ]
[ Tina Latina | "And we don't even know how long his title reign was, whereas you held the world title for a good two and a half months!" ]
[ BomberJake | "I'm still holding gold as we speak! I've got titles ALL across the playing field--Canadian, Hardcore, Custom, World--I can play in any league, including the big leagues! But this isn't about what I've done, and certainly not about what he's done! This is about what I'm gonna do at One Ring and what he's not gonna be able to do after One Ring!" ]
[ Deamon Cohln | "You know that new guy, uh… Saldado, yeah, well I was almost on par with him." ]
[ BomberJake | "Hell, the man can't even focus on his own match! He's talkin' about that Saldado guy!" ]
Having seen all he needed to see, BomberJake pulls out the remote and turns off the titantron.
[ BomberJake | "If he thinks he's some hot shot comin' straight outta Detroit, he can think that, but there's only room for one OTB World Heavyweight Champion, and that's ME!" ]
[ Crew Member | "'scuse me." ]
The crew member BomberJake was talking to before walks over to the golfcart.
[ Crew Member | "Do you get the Playboy channel with that?" ]
[ BomberJake | "Do your job! I don't wanna step into some faulty ring 'cause you were too busy watching twenty-foot tall women masturbate!" ]
The crew member utters some curse words and gets back to assembling the ring.
[ BomberJake | "I'm gettin' sick of this guys flashbacks and where-would-he-be segments." ]
[ Tina Latina | "Well, he may be the only person you'll have to worry about--I wouldn't count on 'Showtime' T-Neff or Tuffy being here tonight." ]
[ BomberJake | "It sure looks to be that way… I still don't get it--this is the MAIN EVENT of the FIRST FRICKIN' PAY-PER-VIEW!!! For the OTB WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE!!!" ]
[ Tina Latina | "I know, I know… they're missing out big time." ]
[ BomberJake | "I've had barely anything to say about those two all week 'cause they haven't shown up to make their threats… but no matter how many wrestlers I face at One Ring, none of them should be a problem for me. I only need one rung of the ladder--the top, 'cause that's where I'm goin' tonight." ]
Tina Latina and BomberJake turn around to look at the rope swaying above the ring. The rope that's meant to hold the OTB World Heavyweight Title for tonights main event.
[ Tina Latina | "That's a ways up--I doubt that rope can withstand much weight. Certainly not as much as those ladders." ]
[ BomberJake | "It'll have to support enough 'cause we're all gonna be grabbin' for it. If it breaks, it breaks, and who knows what would happen after that?" ]
[ Tina Latina | "The fall can't be too pleasant either." ]
[ BomberJake | "Ah, but I won't fall. I'll climb that ladder, reach for the belt, loosen it from that rope, and climb down the ladder with it in my hands." ]
Tina Latina looks up at the rope, envisioning BomberJake climbing a ladder and pulling the OTB World Heavyweight Title belt from that rope.
[ Tina Latina | "…y'know, Deamon's probably gonna show up once more at the last minute to get the last laugh." ]
[ BomberJake | "Ah, but he who laughs last… is slow." ]
[ Tina Latina | * laughs * "You got that right!" ]
Jake looks back at Tina Latina.
[ BomberJake | "General Manager Brian Daniels has booked me against at least one tough son of a bitch, but he has no idea how badly I want this--to be the first ever OTB World Heavyweight Champion would be a dream come true! An addition to the legacy of BomberJake! It'd be a dream for any of us superstars!" ]
BomberJake makes some very uplifting hand motions as he speaks.
[ BomberJake | "But to lose would be unbearable for either of us--to taste the bitterness of utter defeat in spite of all we've done in an attempt to achieve such a goal is heartbreaking." ]
A different hand motion is made, that of something crashing and burning. Some would think that BomberJake is providing sign language as he speaks, but he's not--he just moves his hands sometimes.
[ BomberJake | "Only one of us can emerge the victor. Only one of us can get the spoils. And yes, the champion will taunt the defeated by wiping away fake tears and pretending to care. Pretending to show some sympathy to bring him up before crushing his hopes and dreams again with laughter and mockery." ]
The same hand motion as before is shown.
[ BomberJake | "They may not get this superb opportunity right now, but I'll tell them how it feels at Vendetta. I'll tell them how it feels to be the best in the business. Better yet, I'll tell them how it feels to be the FIRST to be the best in the business." ]
[ Tina Latina | "May the best man win." ]
[ BomberJake | "Don't worry; I will." ]
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