Post by BomberJake on Jul 16, 2006 22:27:50 GMT -5
Back in Malibu, the snow has finally melted. Oh, yeah--it snowed. BomberJakes golfcart is now parked in the driveway, out in the sun. Some of the melted snow is still around, but not enough for Jake to have to dig to find his golfcart.
Inside, as usual, BomberJake and Charlie aren't quite certain what to do with their free time. They're bored, actually--so bored that they've been staring through a window to the street outside for the last half hour.
[ Charlie | "Y'know, we should probably do something. The sun's out…" ]
[ BomberJake | "…" ]
[ Charlie | * sigh * "Blackjack it is." ]
[ BomberJake | "No, Charles. I'm rather content with looking out the window and--oh, hell, no!" ]
Jake jumps up from his spot at the window and runs out his front door. A pink H2 Hummer is driving down the street.
[ BomberJake | "Hey! Hey, you! Yeah, the homo in the pink Hummer! Trying to act all macho at ten miles per gallon, eh? Let's see you outrun the cops! You'd run outta gas before you reached the border!" ]
The driver of the Hummer didn't hear BomberJake and turns the corner down another street. Jake flips him the bird as Charlie stands next to Jake in the doorway.
[ Charlie | "Y'know, Shane Ralston drives an H2 Hummer." ]
[ BomberJake | "That bastard! I bet he still has his eighth grade report card!" ]
[ Charlie | "He sure does--he's got a whole room dedicated to himself." ]
[ BomberJake | "Oh, really?" ]
BomberJake walks back into his house and shuts the front door. He walks to the kitchen, as does Charlie. On the kitchen table is an issue ofOTB HWF Magazine with Summer McCoy on the cover.
[ BomberJake | "Man… this chick is nuts--she was so close to attacking me in my locker room." ]
[ Charlie | "What a bitch." ]
[ BomberJake | "Well, she lives up to the name--that is what she calls herself. We'll have to wait and see how LJ Andrews handles her now that she's a ninja." ]
[ Charlie | "I'd consider her more of an assailant." ]
[ BomberJake | "Ninja!" ]
[ Charlie | "Assailant!" ]
[ BomberJake | "Ninja!" ]
[ Charlie | "Assailant!" ]
[ BomberJake | "Ninja!" ]
[ Charlie | "Well, why don't we see what the magazine has to say about it?!" ]
Charlie slams the magazine open on the kitchen table and flips to a page about Summer's sneak attacks.
[ Charlie | "Let's see… 'Last Thursday, an'--HA--'an assailant was snooping around the backstage area.' You owe me now, Jake! Pay up!" ]
[ BomberJake | "Damn! Here! Take your quarter!" ]
BomberJake flips a quarter out of his pocket to Charlie. Then Jake leans back on the wall as Charlie bites it to see if it's real. Charlie, satisfied, continues to look through the magazine.
[ Charlie | "Hey, there's an article about your match. 'The night ended with a BOOM! BomberJake was placed against Saul Hudsen in one of the most lethal matches in wrestling history. The two fought in a BURIED ALIVE match, where things literally became a matter of life and death!'" ]
[ BomberJake | "Keep reading--the writer of this knows what he's talking about." ]
[ Charlie | "'The loser would be put in a dirty grave and six feet under the ground! BomberJake gained the advantage after POWERBOMBING Saul Hudsen off the stage and onto the dirt below! Later, Jake delivered The BOOM off of the dirt before pushing Saul into the grave and filling it to the top!'" ]
[ BomberJake | "That's EXACTLY how it all happened." ]
Charlie leans closer over the magazine and reads intently.
[ Charlie | "And this week, you're facing the DOA, Shane Ralston!" ]
[ BomberJake | "DOA. That's what he'll be at Lockdown--he won't even make it to the ring. He nearly put himself out of action by acting like Charlie Brown and falling on the ground like that. Hell, he won't make it to the arena!" ]
[ Charlie | "Uh, Jake, it stands for--" ]
[ BomberJake | "I know what it stands for! Director Of Authority! The name says it all--he IS the establishment! And I'm here to bring him down--it's his second match back and he's facing the champ. He'd better get in line behind Deamon Cohln--he's just as eager to get his hands on this title as well. I think Bloodbath is still after me too… I dunno. Ever since Hells Army attacked at Unfinished Business, I dunno what to expect." ]
[ Charlie | "Well, this week, your focus is Shane Ralston. 'The Playboy', so to speak." ]
[ BomberJake | "I main evented the first ever HWF Lockdown and retained the HWF World Heavyweight Title. Meanwhile, Shane Ralston was at the bottom of the card. He may've won his match, but so did I, and not only did I have the World Heavyweight Title on the line, but I had my LIFE on the line! I'd have lost EVERYTHING if Saul Hudsen buried me at Lockdown." ]
[ Charlie | "You would've, but you didn't, and this week, it's not a title defense." ]
[ BomberJake | "The Heavyweight Title may not be on the line, but another point on the Omega Trials is at stake. We've got the lead and I intend to keep it--seeing as how LJ manhandled EZ Punk last week, I know he knows how to get the job done." ]
Jake stands up straight from the wall he was leaning on.
[ BomberJake | "Follow me, Charlie. I've got something to show you." ]
[ Charlie | "Oh no! I'm not fallin' for that one again!" ]
[ BomberJake | "No, seriously, we're not in Bangkok anymore. Y'know how Shane Ralstons promo turned into an MTV Cribs rerun?" ]
[ Charlie | "Yeah." ]
[ BomberJake | "He gave us a tour of his North Carolina house to show off all the things I already have--a high-def TV, a brand-spankin'-new kitchen. I may not have a Mexican on the can, but I've got a Swedish Playboy Bunny in my bed! Now who's the real Playboy?!" ]
[ Charlie | "…you?" ]
[ BomberJake | "Exactly! And he's got this room of every A+ he got on spelling tests and all, but I've got a CORRIDOR… that leads to my personal Hall Of Fame!" ]
[ Charlie | "Oh boy, here we go…" ]
Jake grabs Charlie by the collar and runs towards a door that's never been opened--until NOW! Jake throws open the door and runs inside. Cameras follow to show a brightly lit, seemingly endless hallway with large photos of BomberJake along the walls.
[ BomberJake | "He thinks I'm lacking evidence? Not after he hears all of this! I defeated the 7'4" Jack Untouchable for a SHOT at the Chaos Title in the BwF. In XCW, I went through six other men in a hardcore elimination match to become Hardcore Champ and main evented XCWs last show! I won the first match in LAW history and left with an undefeated tag team record! I was the first to pin Capsule James for the LAW World Title and single-handedly ended his career! And I was the mystery opponent at the Gauntlet 4 Gold, and I won, becoming the number one contendor for the world title, and I regained it from Spaz after going through every finisher he had!" ]
Charlie gazes in awe of this never-before-seen hallway.
[ Charlie | "Marc was right--having report cards is pretty gay when you could have title belts." ]
[ BomberJake | "Yeah, but to Shane, it's not about the past--it's what I've done lately. Well…" ]
BomberJake and Charlie walk further down the corridor to a room of glass cases and more photographs.
[ BomberJake | "I won my debut match in the WWA in a six-man battle royale, I became the last ever WWA Canadian Champion, I sealed the fate of "Too Good" Tommy Crusher, and I defeated Saul Hudsen on three separate occasions--I buried the man alive! I went through three other men in a fatal four way ladder match at One Ring for the OTB World Heavyweight Title! All while maintaining this thirteen match winning streak--since the WWA, I've beaten Blaze, Chris Doyle, Deamon Cohln, Deshaun Smith, Eric Lee, Kano, Orion, Saint, Saul Hudsen, Sean Rage, T-Money, T-Neff, Todd Tellanski, and Tuffy, a two-time first ever champion!
In the last month, I became the last ever WWA Canadian Champion and the first ever OTB World Heavyweight Champion, and now I'm still holdin' the latter title in the HWF. Shane, Our match this week is the closest you've come to gold in a long time!
But all of this means NOTHING to you 'cause you think you're better than anyone and everyone! 'Oh, I'm carrying my team through the Omega Trials! Oh, I've got a room full of my accomplishments! Oh, when the cameras are off, I'm gonna go have nasty homosexual toilet sex with Pedro!'--you disgust me! Not enough proof for you? How's this for proof?!" ]
Jake turns around to moon the camera, but:
[ Charlie | "Jake, calm down! You said you had something to show me that wasn't your ass this time!" ]
[ BomberJake | "Damn…" ]
Jake does his belt up again and faces the camera.
[ BomberJake | "Shane, what more do I have to do to please you?! Oh, right, pin your ass this Thursday at Lockdown. No problem! I most certainly don't lack the evidence--I live up to the hype. I'm the one and ONLY XCW Hardcore Champion, former LAW Custom Champion, a two-time LAW World Champion, and like a said a short time ago, last ever WWA Canadian Champion and first ever OTB World Heavyweight Champion. It's all in the books--you might wanna do some research 'cause you don't want to make that embarrassing mistake again.
You gotta remember, Shane, that YOU'RE the one coming out of RETIREMENT--you haven't been in the ring as recently or as often as I have. I've been on more than a roll for months now and NOTHING is gonna stop it. I'm at thirteen wins right now--some say thirteen is an unlucky number, but I'm like Don Cherry, the greatest Canadian that ever lived! I don't rely on luck--I rely on fate." ]
Jake turns around from watching the camera and walks even further down the hall. As he does, one door is open and they peek inside to see the Swedish Playboy Bunny in BomberJakes bedroom!
[ Swedish Playboy Bunny | "Are you coming to bed, Jakey?" ]
[ BomberJake | "But it's two in the after--OKAY!" ]
[ Charlie | "Jake, what about Tina?" ]
[ BomberJake | "What about Tina?" ]
[ Charlie | "I really think she's into you." ]
[ BomberJake | "But she's into Juana! I mean, she's in Tijuana--what's that rule? The two-thousand miles away rule, is it?" ]
[ Charlie | "Jake, we're in Malibu. Tijuana is thirty minutes from here." ]
[ BomberJake | "…damn. Some other time, babe!" ]
BomberJake closes the door and he keeps walking down the hall with Charlie.
[ Charlie | "What, you're just gonna leave her there?" ]
[ BomberJake | "It's still nice to have a Swedish Playboy Bunny in my bed. We'll be in Kentucky this Thursday, that's two-thousand miles from Tijuana--then I can get with chicks!" ]
[ Charlie | "God, I hate that rule." ]
[ BomberJake | "Oh, but I love it! Chicks dig me 'cause I got gold! But I am not only the HWF World Heavyweight Champion; I am 'only the best'." ]
Inside, as usual, BomberJake and Charlie aren't quite certain what to do with their free time. They're bored, actually--so bored that they've been staring through a window to the street outside for the last half hour.
[ Charlie | "Y'know, we should probably do something. The sun's out…" ]
[ BomberJake | "…" ]
[ Charlie | * sigh * "Blackjack it is." ]
[ BomberJake | "No, Charles. I'm rather content with looking out the window and--oh, hell, no!" ]
Jake jumps up from his spot at the window and runs out his front door. A pink H2 Hummer is driving down the street.
[ BomberJake | "Hey! Hey, you! Yeah, the homo in the pink Hummer! Trying to act all macho at ten miles per gallon, eh? Let's see you outrun the cops! You'd run outta gas before you reached the border!" ]
The driver of the Hummer didn't hear BomberJake and turns the corner down another street. Jake flips him the bird as Charlie stands next to Jake in the doorway.
[ Charlie | "Y'know, Shane Ralston drives an H2 Hummer." ]
[ BomberJake | "That bastard! I bet he still has his eighth grade report card!" ]
[ Charlie | "He sure does--he's got a whole room dedicated to himself." ]
[ BomberJake | "Oh, really?" ]
BomberJake walks back into his house and shuts the front door. He walks to the kitchen, as does Charlie. On the kitchen table is an issue of
[ BomberJake | "Man… this chick is nuts--she was so close to attacking me in my locker room." ]
[ Charlie | "What a bitch." ]
[ BomberJake | "Well, she lives up to the name--that is what she calls herself. We'll have to wait and see how LJ Andrews handles her now that she's a ninja." ]
[ Charlie | "I'd consider her more of an assailant." ]
[ BomberJake | "Ninja!" ]
[ Charlie | "Assailant!" ]
[ BomberJake | "Ninja!" ]
[ Charlie | "Assailant!" ]
[ BomberJake | "Ninja!" ]
[ Charlie | "Well, why don't we see what the magazine has to say about it?!" ]
Charlie slams the magazine open on the kitchen table and flips to a page about Summer's sneak attacks.
[ Charlie | "Let's see… 'Last Thursday, an'--HA--'an assailant was snooping around the backstage area.' You owe me now, Jake! Pay up!" ]
[ BomberJake | "Damn! Here! Take your quarter!" ]
BomberJake flips a quarter out of his pocket to Charlie. Then Jake leans back on the wall as Charlie bites it to see if it's real. Charlie, satisfied, continues to look through the magazine.
[ Charlie | "Hey, there's an article about your match. 'The night ended with a BOOM! BomberJake was placed against Saul Hudsen in one of the most lethal matches in wrestling history. The two fought in a BURIED ALIVE match, where things literally became a matter of life and death!'" ]
[ BomberJake | "Keep reading--the writer of this knows what he's talking about." ]
[ Charlie | "'The loser would be put in a dirty grave and six feet under the ground! BomberJake gained the advantage after POWERBOMBING Saul Hudsen off the stage and onto the dirt below! Later, Jake delivered The BOOM off of the dirt before pushing Saul into the grave and filling it to the top!'" ]
[ BomberJake | "That's EXACTLY how it all happened." ]
Charlie leans closer over the magazine and reads intently.
[ Charlie | "And this week, you're facing the DOA, Shane Ralston!" ]
[ BomberJake | "DOA. That's what he'll be at Lockdown--he won't even make it to the ring. He nearly put himself out of action by acting like Charlie Brown and falling on the ground like that. Hell, he won't make it to the arena!" ]
[ Charlie | "Uh, Jake, it stands for--" ]
[ BomberJake | "I know what it stands for! Director Of Authority! The name says it all--he IS the establishment! And I'm here to bring him down--it's his second match back and he's facing the champ. He'd better get in line behind Deamon Cohln--he's just as eager to get his hands on this title as well. I think Bloodbath is still after me too… I dunno. Ever since Hells Army attacked at Unfinished Business, I dunno what to expect." ]
[ Charlie | "Well, this week, your focus is Shane Ralston. 'The Playboy', so to speak." ]
[ BomberJake | "I main evented the first ever HWF Lockdown and retained the HWF World Heavyweight Title. Meanwhile, Shane Ralston was at the bottom of the card. He may've won his match, but so did I, and not only did I have the World Heavyweight Title on the line, but I had my LIFE on the line! I'd have lost EVERYTHING if Saul Hudsen buried me at Lockdown." ]
[ Charlie | "You would've, but you didn't, and this week, it's not a title defense." ]
[ BomberJake | "The Heavyweight Title may not be on the line, but another point on the Omega Trials is at stake. We've got the lead and I intend to keep it--seeing as how LJ manhandled EZ Punk last week, I know he knows how to get the job done." ]
Jake stands up straight from the wall he was leaning on.
[ BomberJake | "Follow me, Charlie. I've got something to show you." ]
[ Charlie | "Oh no! I'm not fallin' for that one again!" ]
[ BomberJake | "No, seriously, we're not in Bangkok anymore. Y'know how Shane Ralstons promo turned into an MTV Cribs rerun?" ]
[ Charlie | "Yeah." ]
[ BomberJake | "He gave us a tour of his North Carolina house to show off all the things I already have--a high-def TV, a brand-spankin'-new kitchen. I may not have a Mexican on the can, but I've got a Swedish Playboy Bunny in my bed! Now who's the real Playboy?!" ]
[ Charlie | "…you?" ]
[ BomberJake | "Exactly! And he's got this room of every A+ he got on spelling tests and all, but I've got a CORRIDOR… that leads to my personal Hall Of Fame!" ]
[ Charlie | "Oh boy, here we go…" ]
Jake grabs Charlie by the collar and runs towards a door that's never been opened--until NOW! Jake throws open the door and runs inside. Cameras follow to show a brightly lit, seemingly endless hallway with large photos of BomberJake along the walls.
[ BomberJake | "He thinks I'm lacking evidence? Not after he hears all of this! I defeated the 7'4" Jack Untouchable for a SHOT at the Chaos Title in the BwF. In XCW, I went through six other men in a hardcore elimination match to become Hardcore Champ and main evented XCWs last show! I won the first match in LAW history and left with an undefeated tag team record! I was the first to pin Capsule James for the LAW World Title and single-handedly ended his career! And I was the mystery opponent at the Gauntlet 4 Gold, and I won, becoming the number one contendor for the world title, and I regained it from Spaz after going through every finisher he had!" ]
Charlie gazes in awe of this never-before-seen hallway.
[ Charlie | "Marc was right--having report cards is pretty gay when you could have title belts." ]
[ BomberJake | "Yeah, but to Shane, it's not about the past--it's what I've done lately. Well…" ]
BomberJake and Charlie walk further down the corridor to a room of glass cases and more photographs.
[ BomberJake | "I won my debut match in the WWA in a six-man battle royale, I became the last ever WWA Canadian Champion, I sealed the fate of "Too Good" Tommy Crusher, and I defeated Saul Hudsen on three separate occasions--I buried the man alive! I went through three other men in a fatal four way ladder match at One Ring for the OTB World Heavyweight Title! All while maintaining this thirteen match winning streak--since the WWA, I've beaten Blaze, Chris Doyle, Deamon Cohln, Deshaun Smith, Eric Lee, Kano, Orion, Saint, Saul Hudsen, Sean Rage, T-Money, T-Neff, Todd Tellanski, and Tuffy, a two-time first ever champion!
In the last month, I became the last ever WWA Canadian Champion and the first ever OTB World Heavyweight Champion, and now I'm still holdin' the latter title in the HWF. Shane, Our match this week is the closest you've come to gold in a long time!
But all of this means NOTHING to you 'cause you think you're better than anyone and everyone! 'Oh, I'm carrying my team through the Omega Trials! Oh, I've got a room full of my accomplishments! Oh, when the cameras are off, I'm gonna go have nasty homosexual toilet sex with Pedro!'--you disgust me! Not enough proof for you? How's this for proof?!" ]
Jake turns around to moon the camera, but:
[ Charlie | "Jake, calm down! You said you had something to show me that wasn't your ass this time!" ]
[ BomberJake | "Damn…" ]
Jake does his belt up again and faces the camera.
[ BomberJake | "Shane, what more do I have to do to please you?! Oh, right, pin your ass this Thursday at Lockdown. No problem! I most certainly don't lack the evidence--I live up to the hype. I'm the one and ONLY XCW Hardcore Champion, former LAW Custom Champion, a two-time LAW World Champion, and like a said a short time ago, last ever WWA Canadian Champion and first ever OTB World Heavyweight Champion. It's all in the books--you might wanna do some research 'cause you don't want to make that embarrassing mistake again.
You gotta remember, Shane, that YOU'RE the one coming out of RETIREMENT--you haven't been in the ring as recently or as often as I have. I've been on more than a roll for months now and NOTHING is gonna stop it. I'm at thirteen wins right now--some say thirteen is an unlucky number, but I'm like Don Cherry, the greatest Canadian that ever lived! I don't rely on luck--I rely on fate." ]
Jake turns around from watching the camera and walks even further down the hall. As he does, one door is open and they peek inside to see the Swedish Playboy Bunny in BomberJakes bedroom!
[ Swedish Playboy Bunny | "Are you coming to bed, Jakey?" ]
[ BomberJake | "But it's two in the after--OKAY!" ]
[ Charlie | "Jake, what about Tina?" ]
[ BomberJake | "What about Tina?" ]
[ Charlie | "I really think she's into you." ]
[ BomberJake | "But she's into Juana! I mean, she's in Tijuana--what's that rule? The two-thousand miles away rule, is it?" ]
[ Charlie | "Jake, we're in Malibu. Tijuana is thirty minutes from here." ]
[ BomberJake | "…damn. Some other time, babe!" ]
BomberJake closes the door and he keeps walking down the hall with Charlie.
[ Charlie | "What, you're just gonna leave her there?" ]
[ BomberJake | "It's still nice to have a Swedish Playboy Bunny in my bed. We'll be in Kentucky this Thursday, that's two-thousand miles from Tijuana--then I can get with chicks!" ]
[ Charlie | "God, I hate that rule." ]
[ BomberJake | "Oh, but I love it! Chicks dig me 'cause I got gold! But I am not only the HWF World Heavyweight Champion; I am 'only the best'." ]
