Post by BomberJake on Jun 22, 2006 14:36:12 GMT -5
And NOW, a Quickie with BomberJake featuring Tina Latina!
The scene opens to an airport. A clip of Tina handing a rather large bag to cargo is shown before we see BomberJake and Tina Latina in line at the security gate. BomberJake has the OTB World Heavyweight Title belt with him and… he's using it as a belt--he's stretched the belt loops of his pants enough that the OTB World Heavyweight Title fits as a belt. Jake steps through the gate and the alarm goes off.
[ Security Officer | "Please remove any metal items from your pockets, sir." ]
BomberJake reaches into his pocket and pulls out his wallet full of coins, his keys, a spoon, shards of tin foil, and a doorknob.
[ Security Officer | "Sir, we're going to have to confiscate the last three items out of your pockets. You may now step through the gate." ]
Jake sighs and tries again, and once again, the alarm goes off.
[ Security Officer | "Sir, is that belt made of real gold?" ]
[ BomberJake | "Of course it is! This isn't some cheap plastic replica belt! This is the real deal! I'M the real deal!" ]
[ Security Officer | "Sir, you're gonna have to take off your belt." ]
[ BomberJake | "But… it's the only thing keeping my pants up." ]
[ Security Officer | "It's also the only thing keeping you from getting on this flight." ]
Jake sighs again and removes the belt. He hands it to Tina Latina who puts it through the x-ray. BomberJake holds his pants up with his hands and Tina lets out some laughter as Jake waddles through the gate. The alarm doesn't go off.
[ Security Officer | "All set. You may have your belt back." ]
Jake struggles to put the belt back on as Tina Latina walks through the security gate effortlessly--the alarm doesn't go off for her and she grabs her carry-on purse. Jake finally gets the belt on and they make sure they have all their stuff.
[ PA System | "Attention all passengers--last call for all flights to Chattanooga, Tennessee. Repeat, last call for all flights to Chattanooga." ]
[ Tina Latina | "That's us! We gotta run, Jake!" ]
Tina pulls Jake by the hand--he's barely gotten the belt on and just grabbed his carry-on bag! The two run as fast as they can, but Tina Latina's high heels are impeding the speed. They just reach the gate in time to board.
[ Gate Officer | "You just made it!" ]
[ Tina Latina | "Oh, thank God! Sorry we're late--I had to get Bomb." ]
[ Gate Officer | "…bomb?" ]
[ BomberJake | "BomberJake, ma'am. OTBs first ever World Heavyweight Champion." ]
[ Stupid Fan Nearby | "Hi, Jack!" ]
[ Gate Officer | "HIJACK?!" ]
THREE HOURS LATER
[ BomberJake | "Look--my name is Jake, not Jack! My stage name is BomberJake and I have to be on this plane to Chattanooga." ]
[ Tina Latina | "I hear they have the greatest afghans!" ]
[ Gate Officer | "You're from Afghanistan?!" ]
[ Tina Latina | "What?! No! I was talking about the blankets! The US isn't even after Afghanistan, they're after Iraq!" ]
[ BomberJake | "Look, lady, we just need to get on this plane. We have a show to do." ]
[ Gate Officer | "What kind of show?" ]
[ BomberJake | "A wre--" ]
[ Tina Latina | "--USO Show!" ]
Jake looks at Tina, bewildered. Tina then elbows Jake in the arm.
[ BomberJake | "Uh, yeah! We'll be singing a duet of Toby Keiths 'COURTESY OF THE RED, WHITE, AND BLUE'." ]
[ Gate Officer | "Oh! You're performing for the troops, why didn't you say so? Alright, you're clear--you can board." ]
Thank God that's over. Jake and Tina take their luggage and get on the plane to the faces of many, many angry flyers. Jake and Tina try to sit down as discretely as possible.
[ Tina Latina | * whispers * "Just don't make eye contact!" ]
BomberJake and Tina shuffle into their seats and, well, sit down.
[ Flight Attendant | "Good afternoon, folks. We apologize for the delay. We will be departing shortly--please fasten your seatbelts before liftoff." ]
[ BomberJake | "Got it!" ]
Jake tightens the OTB World Heavyweight Title belt around his waist without noticing the legitimate seatbelt.
[ Tina Latina | "Jake, the plane won't take off if your seatbelt isn't on. The light will just keep flashing 'til you do." ]
A light that says "put on your damn seatbelt!" is flashing on and off above Jakes head. Jake punches the light and the bulb breaks.
[ Flight Attendant | "It appears that everyone has their seatbelts on. We are ready to depart. Ladies and gentleman, your pilot this afternoon is Mr. John Travolta and our in-flight movie is 'Saturday Night Fever'!" ]
The movie starts and "STAYIN' ALIVE" by the Bee Gees is immediately heard.
[ BomberJake | "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" ]
Jake pulls the remote he used on the titantron out of his pocket and starts changing the channels of the in-flight movie.
[ Tina Latina | "You never told me it was a universal remote!" ]
[ BomberJake | "Sure is! But they don't have MuchMusic on this thing… let's turn the volume up." ]
As Jake presses up, the plane goes up! Jake presses down, and the plane goes down! Jake presses left and right, and the plane goes left and right!
[ BomberJake | "Holy shit! I didn't know I could control planes! I'm like Adam Sandler in 'Click'!" ]
All of a sudden, the plane goes level, but Jake's still pressing buttons on the remote.
[ Flight Attendant | "We apologize for the turbulence, folks--John Travolta is currently receiving oral sex from Kelly Preston, which greatly distracted him from the flight. Everything is under control now that he has climaxed." ]
[ Tina Latina | "A bit more than I needed to hear." ]
[ BomberJake | "Oh, just wait 'til this ends up on all the celebrity blogs! Perez Hilton, Pink Is The New Blog, Hollywood Tuna…" ]
[ Tina Latina | "Well, I have some even bigger news than anything on a celebrity blog--you remember what your next match is, don't you?" ]
[ BomberJake | "Sure do--Sean Rage n' Saul Hudsen VS me and Summer Mc… McDonalds? McStomach Ache? McTummy, McGurgles, McBrick? McGas, McSweats, McTwitches, McCrazy?!" ]
[ Tina Latina | "McCoy! And you've watched Supersize Me far too many times!" ]
[ BomberJake | "Oh, right! Yeah… isn't coy a type of fish? Or is that cod…" ]
[ Tina Latina | "That doesn't matter! She mentioned something about getting together." ]
[ BomberJake | "What?!" ]
[ Tina Latina | "To discuss both of your title wins! You and Summer, winning two of the OTBs titles!" ]
[ BomberJake | "Ooooh!" ]
[ Tina Latina | "She says we should celebrate." ]
[ BomberJake | "Celebrate? Like… you mean that kind of--" ]
[ Tina Latina | "--oh, NO! No no no no no no." ]
[ BomberJake | "Okay! All clear." ]
[ Tina Latina | "Good. Now, you've beaten both Sean Rage and Saul Hudsen before, and Summer went through four other wrestlers to get to where she's at right now--I don't think she'll let you down." ]
[ BomberJake | "I don't think she will either--not as long as we both have gold!" ]
[ Tina Latina | "Keep in mind, you're facing Saul Hudsen at OTBs Unfinished Business--where OTB and the WWA collide!" ]
[ BomberJake | "It's a bit weird though--I'd barely been in the WWA and the OTBs only been around for a month or so, and now they're having this battle. Don't get me wrong, it'll be awesome, but I don't know which side to cheer for!" ]
[ Tina Latina | "Well, it's not like you have to cheer for one side or the other. You could just be neutral." ]
[ BomberJake | "I don't have much option--I don't want to root against anyone either." ]
[ Tina Latina | "Well, I'm sure it'll be a great show, and this upcoming match at Vendetta is a great way to prepare you for Saul Hudsen! And it'll prepare Summer for Sean Rage!" ]
[ BomberJake | "You know it! And us two champs can't possibly lose to those challengers! Except those two both won their singles matches…" ]
[ Tina Latina | "You look at things so technically--'Oh, I got a win over him, but he got a win over someone else.'--just go in that ring on Monday and give 'em hell!" ]
[ BomberJake | "Yeah…" ]
[ Tina Latina | "Give 'em what for!" ]
[ BomberJake | "Yeah." ]
[ Tina Latina | "Give 'em all you got!" ]
[ BomberJake | "Yeah! They know we deserved to get these titles, and now we'll show them we deserve to keep 'em!" ]
[ Flight Attendant | "Please respect the other passengers--some of them are sleeping." ]
Jake looks around to see every single passenger on the flight asleep. Many of which are snoring loudly and none of them look like they'll be waking up soon.
[ BomberJake | "Geez, how did they all get into such a deep slumber so fast?" ]
[ Flight Attendant | "'Saturday Night Fever' is REALLY boring." ]
The scene opens to an airport. A clip of Tina handing a rather large bag to cargo is shown before we see BomberJake and Tina Latina in line at the security gate. BomberJake has the OTB World Heavyweight Title belt with him and… he's using it as a belt--he's stretched the belt loops of his pants enough that the OTB World Heavyweight Title fits as a belt. Jake steps through the gate and the alarm goes off.
[ Security Officer | "Please remove any metal items from your pockets, sir." ]
BomberJake reaches into his pocket and pulls out his wallet full of coins, his keys, a spoon, shards of tin foil, and a doorknob.
[ Security Officer | "Sir, we're going to have to confiscate the last three items out of your pockets. You may now step through the gate." ]
Jake sighs and tries again, and once again, the alarm goes off.
[ Security Officer | "Sir, is that belt made of real gold?" ]
[ BomberJake | "Of course it is! This isn't some cheap plastic replica belt! This is the real deal! I'M the real deal!" ]
[ Security Officer | "Sir, you're gonna have to take off your belt." ]
[ BomberJake | "But… it's the only thing keeping my pants up." ]
[ Security Officer | "It's also the only thing keeping you from getting on this flight." ]
Jake sighs again and removes the belt. He hands it to Tina Latina who puts it through the x-ray. BomberJake holds his pants up with his hands and Tina lets out some laughter as Jake waddles through the gate. The alarm doesn't go off.
[ Security Officer | "All set. You may have your belt back." ]
Jake struggles to put the belt back on as Tina Latina walks through the security gate effortlessly--the alarm doesn't go off for her and she grabs her carry-on purse. Jake finally gets the belt on and they make sure they have all their stuff.
[ PA System | "Attention all passengers--last call for all flights to Chattanooga, Tennessee. Repeat, last call for all flights to Chattanooga." ]
[ Tina Latina | "That's us! We gotta run, Jake!" ]
Tina pulls Jake by the hand--he's barely gotten the belt on and just grabbed his carry-on bag! The two run as fast as they can, but Tina Latina's high heels are impeding the speed. They just reach the gate in time to board.
[ Gate Officer | "You just made it!" ]
[ Tina Latina | "Oh, thank God! Sorry we're late--I had to get Bomb." ]
[ Gate Officer | "…bomb?" ]
[ BomberJake | "BomberJake, ma'am. OTBs first ever World Heavyweight Champion." ]
[ Stupid Fan Nearby | "Hi, Jack!" ]
[ Gate Officer | "HIJACK?!" ]
THREE HOURS LATER
[ BomberJake | "Look--my name is Jake, not Jack! My stage name is BomberJake and I have to be on this plane to Chattanooga." ]
[ Tina Latina | "I hear they have the greatest afghans!" ]
[ Gate Officer | "You're from Afghanistan?!" ]
[ Tina Latina | "What?! No! I was talking about the blankets! The US isn't even after Afghanistan, they're after Iraq!" ]
[ BomberJake | "Look, lady, we just need to get on this plane. We have a show to do." ]
[ Gate Officer | "What kind of show?" ]
[ BomberJake | "A wre--" ]
[ Tina Latina | "--USO Show!" ]
Jake looks at Tina, bewildered. Tina then elbows Jake in the arm.
[ BomberJake | "Uh, yeah! We'll be singing a duet of Toby Keiths 'COURTESY OF THE RED, WHITE, AND BLUE'." ]
[ Gate Officer | "Oh! You're performing for the troops, why didn't you say so? Alright, you're clear--you can board." ]
Thank God that's over. Jake and Tina take their luggage and get on the plane to the faces of many, many angry flyers. Jake and Tina try to sit down as discretely as possible.
[ Tina Latina | * whispers * "Just don't make eye contact!" ]
BomberJake and Tina shuffle into their seats and, well, sit down.
[ Flight Attendant | "Good afternoon, folks. We apologize for the delay. We will be departing shortly--please fasten your seatbelts before liftoff." ]
[ BomberJake | "Got it!" ]
Jake tightens the OTB World Heavyweight Title belt around his waist without noticing the legitimate seatbelt.
[ Tina Latina | "Jake, the plane won't take off if your seatbelt isn't on. The light will just keep flashing 'til you do." ]
A light that says "put on your damn seatbelt!" is flashing on and off above Jakes head. Jake punches the light and the bulb breaks.
[ Flight Attendant | "It appears that everyone has their seatbelts on. We are ready to depart. Ladies and gentleman, your pilot this afternoon is Mr. John Travolta and our in-flight movie is 'Saturday Night Fever'!" ]
The movie starts and "STAYIN' ALIVE" by the Bee Gees is immediately heard.
[ BomberJake | "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" ]
Jake pulls the remote he used on the titantron out of his pocket and starts changing the channels of the in-flight movie.
[ Tina Latina | "You never told me it was a universal remote!" ]
[ BomberJake | "Sure is! But they don't have MuchMusic on this thing… let's turn the volume up." ]
As Jake presses up, the plane goes up! Jake presses down, and the plane goes down! Jake presses left and right, and the plane goes left and right!
[ BomberJake | "Holy shit! I didn't know I could control planes! I'm like Adam Sandler in 'Click'!" ]
All of a sudden, the plane goes level, but Jake's still pressing buttons on the remote.
[ Flight Attendant | "We apologize for the turbulence, folks--John Travolta is currently receiving oral sex from Kelly Preston, which greatly distracted him from the flight. Everything is under control now that he has climaxed." ]
[ Tina Latina | "A bit more than I needed to hear." ]
[ BomberJake | "Oh, just wait 'til this ends up on all the celebrity blogs! Perez Hilton, Pink Is The New Blog, Hollywood Tuna…" ]
[ Tina Latina | "Well, I have some even bigger news than anything on a celebrity blog--you remember what your next match is, don't you?" ]
[ BomberJake | "Sure do--Sean Rage n' Saul Hudsen VS me and Summer Mc… McDonalds? McStomach Ache? McTummy, McGurgles, McBrick? McGas, McSweats, McTwitches, McCrazy?!" ]
[ Tina Latina | "McCoy! And you've watched Supersize Me far too many times!" ]
[ BomberJake | "Oh, right! Yeah… isn't coy a type of fish? Or is that cod…" ]
[ Tina Latina | "That doesn't matter! She mentioned something about getting together." ]
[ BomberJake | "What?!" ]
[ Tina Latina | "To discuss both of your title wins! You and Summer, winning two of the OTBs titles!" ]
[ BomberJake | "Ooooh!" ]
[ Tina Latina | "She says we should celebrate." ]
[ BomberJake | "Celebrate? Like… you mean that kind of--" ]
[ Tina Latina | "--oh, NO! No no no no no no." ]
[ BomberJake | "Okay! All clear." ]
[ Tina Latina | "Good. Now, you've beaten both Sean Rage and Saul Hudsen before, and Summer went through four other wrestlers to get to where she's at right now--I don't think she'll let you down." ]
[ BomberJake | "I don't think she will either--not as long as we both have gold!" ]
[ Tina Latina | "Keep in mind, you're facing Saul Hudsen at OTBs Unfinished Business--where OTB and the WWA collide!" ]
[ BomberJake | "It's a bit weird though--I'd barely been in the WWA and the OTBs only been around for a month or so, and now they're having this battle. Don't get me wrong, it'll be awesome, but I don't know which side to cheer for!" ]
[ Tina Latina | "Well, it's not like you have to cheer for one side or the other. You could just be neutral." ]
[ BomberJake | "I don't have much option--I don't want to root against anyone either." ]
[ Tina Latina | "Well, I'm sure it'll be a great show, and this upcoming match at Vendetta is a great way to prepare you for Saul Hudsen! And it'll prepare Summer for Sean Rage!" ]
[ BomberJake | "You know it! And us two champs can't possibly lose to those challengers! Except those two both won their singles matches…" ]
[ Tina Latina | "You look at things so technically--'Oh, I got a win over him, but he got a win over someone else.'--just go in that ring on Monday and give 'em hell!" ]
[ BomberJake | "Yeah…" ]
[ Tina Latina | "Give 'em what for!" ]
[ BomberJake | "Yeah." ]
[ Tina Latina | "Give 'em all you got!" ]
[ BomberJake | "Yeah! They know we deserved to get these titles, and now we'll show them we deserve to keep 'em!" ]
[ Flight Attendant | "Please respect the other passengers--some of them are sleeping." ]
Jake looks around to see every single passenger on the flight asleep. Many of which are snoring loudly and none of them look like they'll be waking up soon.
[ BomberJake | "Geez, how did they all get into such a deep slumber so fast?" ]
[ Flight Attendant | "'Saturday Night Fever' is REALLY boring." ]
